on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
