I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
