just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
handjob tips. give me some.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
