Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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