yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
