i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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