I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
