WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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