porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
