He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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