when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
