On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We got so high we made milksteak
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
