The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
