I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
