Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
