based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
COCAINE IS GR8
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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