dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
