We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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