My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
