He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
