I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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