She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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