Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
