i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
