It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
