Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
