My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
foreskin is a definite game changer
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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