Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
