Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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