If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
