We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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