hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
