You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
