I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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