she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
