I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Randomize
