brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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