Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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