i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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