i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
