Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
