Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had sex bonerless
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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