You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
