You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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