look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
