I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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