Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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