Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
