Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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