A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
