I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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