can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
