The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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