You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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