like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
