About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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