We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
