Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
