its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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